First Call

Here I am, after 2 weeks of tagging in Orthopaedics, this is my first day off. And yes, it's a Sunday. A day which is supposed to be a compulsory day-off for the general population, but it's a "given" day-off for us, cos for us, every day is working day. Sigh... Do I regret this path I'm taking? At times, yes. And even being in a relatively "easy" posting like Ortho, where the specialists are nice, MOs are nice, and straightforward workload and I have 3 bffs with me; I still hv my regretsof doing medicine. I can't imagine if I had started out in super tough postings. huhu. Just 2 days after off-tag, and I had my first on-call experience. At first, I was quite panicky cos of a patient in acute bed who was in septicaemia, was ventilated and on 4 inotropes to keep her alive. In the end the family decided to sign DNR and ultimately wanted to bring her home so that she can pass away there. Kinda sad cos the patient was well and just one week ago she fell into a drain, got a cut on her leg, didn't go hosp, developed necrotizing fascitis, discovered too late and ended up in septic shock. Life... sigh...The rest of the nite was surprisingly "peaceful" and I actually managed to get enough sleep. Seriously, becoming a doctor is not glamorous at all. I see juniors walkin arnd and just feel like askin them to "quit now! quit while u still can!" But then again, I see some of my collegues and seniors, those who aldy did 1 year+ housemanship- how competent and capable they are, and I just wish I could be like them. I don't like feeling so new, so incompetent, so blur... I know time is the answer but to get there seems like such a loooong time..................... Dear God, give me strength.